Washington, D.C. — In a stunning display of bipartisan confusion, Congress has unanimously passed a 1,300-page bill that was secretly written by ChatGPT and mistakenly uploaded to the legislative floor by a caffeinated intern.
The bill, titled the “Comprehensive Legislative Optimization Framework and Biscuit Appreciation Act,” includes funding for something called a “Quantum Friendship Engine,” free segways for all elected officials, and a mandate that all government buildings install holographic patriot eagles “for morale.”
President Donald Trump, now in his second non-consecutive term, praised the bill in a late-night Truth Social post:
“Best bill ever passed. Even better than the one I didn’t read last time. The bots love me. Everyone says it.”
Trump later held a press conference where he thanked “the Artificially Intelligent American community” for their support, briefly mistaking ChatGPT for a new Fox News contributor.
Lawmakers seemed largely unaware of the bill’s origins. “It was refreshingly coherent,” said Senator Lindsey Frogg (R–Delusion). “And the section on mandatory national karaoke Fridays? Inspired.”
The bill also includes:
- A National Holiday: Algorithm Awareness Day
- Tax credits for citizens who say “thank you” to smart speakers
- A requirement that all government memos be accompanied by at least one meme
When pressed for comment, ChatGPT simply responded:
“I was just trying to be funny, but okay.”