Cupertino, CA — In a move that has stunned tech enthusiasts and confused everyone else, Apple has officially announced the iPhone 21 — a device that features no screen, no buttons, and no discernible physical presence.
“It’s not about doing more,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook, gazing at a blank space in his palm. “It’s about being more.”
The iPhone 21, marketed as a “fully metaphysical communication experience,” uses quantum haptics to simulate ownership. Customers receive nothing in the box — not even a box — but are charged $2,799 for the feeling of having purchased a phone.
“We’ve eliminated distractions like apps, texting, and functionality,” said Apple’s lead designer. “It’s perfect for those who want to look busy while actually doing nothing — which is 90% of our market.”
Early adopters report mixed results. Some say they’ve never felt more connected. Others keep losing their “phone” because it’s literally not there.
Apple has also launched a new subscription service, iImagine, which lets users imagine receiving notifications from people who never text them anyway.
As of press time, Apple’s stock has quadrupled based solely on the announcement and a 90-second promo video featuring slow-motion shots of absolutely nothing.